Healing Shame: Antidotes and Recovery
Part of the Heal Your Self Series 🌱🌷
Hi friends,
I hope you are well.
As I write, I feel shame tighten around my edges as I know I’m sharing personal reflections here which makes me vulnerable. What will they think? Will I be judged? Will they unsubscribe? Am I enough?
I take a deep breath and continue, in case it helps you dissolve the shame you may carry. This is work I had to spend time on in my own therapy, and it is well worth it.
In this post I outline the impact of toxic shame, my own experiences of shame, recognising shame, and the antidotes to stop it treading on our hopes and dreams.
The Toxic Impact of Shame
By its nature, shame is hidden; its heaviness crushing us into the ground where we hide, alone in the dark. It chokes our true self in its dust, leading us to abandon ourselves.
Shame that seeps into our psyche over a long time poisons our potential, projects, plans and relationships. When shackled by shame, we deprive others of our beautiful souls and lovely company.
Shame is normally given to us by others or our society - but we can hold on to it without realising. It hurts us.
Usually, this is not our shame to carry.
We can’t heal the past without blowing our shame away.
To let our true self shine, we have to reach in and light that shame. Look it in the eye, and send it out on the wind.
Is it time to return the burden?
Addressing our shame can be extra painful, as we acknowledge the grief of not being fully loved or accepted. That not only did others not have our backs when we needed them, we also didn’t have our own backs.
We deserve more.
Shame is the dark side of vulnerability, a ‘cocktail of secrecy, silence and judgement,’ says Brene Brown.
Writing on Substack since January 2024, I have shifted even deeper into self acceptance.
I see writers expressing their truth here, giving permission, creating and joining communities, reaching in, and reaching out. I’ve been able to support others here with my writing, while finding support for myself. (I have temporarily unlocked a post sharing some of my story of baby loss here).
My Substack makes me exposed and vulnerable. I am used to being a therapist in the intimacy and privacy of a 1:1 setting. Now I share my learnings more broadly. Here, my reflections are validated by your reading, your likes, comments, and sharing, and I am particularly supported to write by my paid subscribers who keep these letters going.
Sharing.
Connecting.
Sending shame into the winds.
If we are to untangle ourselves from toxic shame, we must look it right in the eye.
Many therapists and psychologists see shame as the root of mental health issues like depression, low self worth, long term grief, addiction, eating disorders, even violence and suicide. We humans are delicate creatures, we need so much love and care. So much!
Become a member to read the rest if you haven’t already.