I'm so sorry to hear you lost two babies Kate💔. I've not known a life without bereavement, so it has become interwoven in the fabric of my life. Over time I've stumbled and sensed my way into gradual healing. But grief takes many shapes and forms as you say. Much of what you write makes me pause and reflect, thank you.
I think one of the best things I did for myself was to give it time. Which sounds so “easy”. But it took me 3 years to get over an situationship that lasted less then a year… I stopped dating completely, rebuild myself, focused on my nervous system :). Love your tips too btw! 🤍
I really needed to read this today, I'm 3 months on from a break up and sometimes find myself getting frustrated when I feel I've made so much progress and then fall back into a bad day. Thank you!
Great post Kate, and really enjoyed the story of your first loves! I’m also sad and sorry to hear about the loss of your babies, so devastating. It sounds like you’ve become a wonderful therapist and really help others which I often think helps to create compassionate therapists. I’ve had many losses too, relationships, divorce, parents lost too soon but with loss has come growth. I think that can be the case for everyone going through a relationship breakup, as long as they stick to your helpful guidance.
Thank you so much, Harriet, and I'm sorry for your losses too. I really enjoyed reading Susan Cain's book, 'Bittersweet' - have you read it? it's all about the transformation that we go through having experienced difficulties. 🙏🏻
I guess piles of books is a thing! When I was studying hard, I read for an hour every morning before doing anything else. I need to get back into that habit!
haring your own heartbreak alongside practical tools makes this feel lived rather than clinical. The way you describe the brain reorganizing around loss is such an important piece people rarely understand when they blame themselves for “not being over it.” I appreciate the emphasis on boundaries and identity after a breakup; those are often the hardest steps. The reminder that grief can be retrospective is meaningful for people carrying old pain.
Have you ever had your heart broken? How did you heal? ❤️
Journaling, movement, time in nature, nurturing other connections, eating well, sleeping well, not jumping into anything new before I am ready.
These are wonderful, Rachel, are particularly like the last one!
I'm so sorry to hear you lost two babies Kate💔. I've not known a life without bereavement, so it has become interwoven in the fabric of my life. Over time I've stumbled and sensed my way into gradual healing. But grief takes many shapes and forms as you say. Much of what you write makes me pause and reflect, thank you.
Thank you so much, kate, on all counts! Yes, it's not something we can get rid of but becomes interwoven, and the pain lessens over time 🙏🏻
I think one of the best things I did for myself was to give it time. Which sounds so “easy”. But it took me 3 years to get over an situationship that lasted less then a year… I stopped dating completely, rebuild myself, focused on my nervous system :). Love your tips too btw! 🤍
Thank you so much. They do say time is a great healer. 🙏🏻
I really needed to read this today, I'm 3 months on from a break up and sometimes find myself getting frustrated when I feel I've made so much progress and then fall back into a bad day. Thank you!
Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry to hear it. You will fall back sometimes, but it will happen less often over time, and less far. 🧡
Great post Kate, and really enjoyed the story of your first loves! I’m also sad and sorry to hear about the loss of your babies, so devastating. It sounds like you’ve become a wonderful therapist and really help others which I often think helps to create compassionate therapists. I’ve had many losses too, relationships, divorce, parents lost too soon but with loss has come growth. I think that can be the case for everyone going through a relationship breakup, as long as they stick to your helpful guidance.
Thank you so much, Harriet, and I'm sorry for your losses too. I really enjoyed reading Susan Cain's book, 'Bittersweet' - have you read it? it's all about the transformation that we go through having experienced difficulties. 🙏🏻
Hi Kate, thank you and no I haven’t, thank you for the recommendation. Another book to add to my growing pile but I love that!
haha! It’s a lovely book, worth reading or at least looking at in your pile! 😂
There something very comforting about my pile 😂
I wrote about book piles recently here, I think it might be behind an automatic paywall now but here it is: https://therapeuticwriters.substack.com/p/under-weight-of-unread-substack-subscriptions
I guess piles of books is a thing! When I was studying hard, I read for an hour every morning before doing anything else. I need to get back into that habit!
Yes, the Japanese call it tsundoku!
haring your own heartbreak alongside practical tools makes this feel lived rather than clinical. The way you describe the brain reorganizing around loss is such an important piece people rarely understand when they blame themselves for “not being over it.” I appreciate the emphasis on boundaries and identity after a breakup; those are often the hardest steps. The reminder that grief can be retrospective is meaningful for people carrying old pain.
Thank you for your reflections Nicola! 🙏🏻
Thank you Kate
Thanks for reading Andrea ❤️