Grief Resilience: Building Your Pillars of Strength

Moving Through Grief with Resilience, Plus New Meditations and Journaling Sessions

I’m Kate, a psychotherapist writing about mental health and self-discovery, for you to flourish in a life you love. When we cultivate compassion, resilience and understanding, we also create a more harmonious world. Upgrade here for transformative journaling prompts, empowering tools, workbooks and guided meditations (more coming soon).

Hi friends

Before I get into this last post about grief, I wanted to let you know that I have new guided meditations on the way for paid subscribers, something for your self care routine to relax and inspire you. The first series is here. Manage your subscription here.

I am also planning regular themed therapeutic journaling sessions for you. These include questions you’d be asked in therapy that shift us out of those old patterns, blocks, and stories. These often unconsciously hold us back from the easeful, satisfying life we deserve. Some of my paid community said it can be hard to stay on top of the self-discovery work, so this extra anchor would make accountability easier. If you’re ready to embrace your life in self awareness, acceptance and growth, to connect with your lost parts, your strength and truth, join us. You’ll develop greater authenticity, self worth, vitality and fulfilment. This will be for paid subscribers, so you can manage your subscription here. Now back to today’s letter.

When we lose someone we love, we are faced with a new reality that we must accept. We have to process the pain of the grief, and adjust to the world without them. Then we can find an enduring connection with them whilst moving forward with our life. We can navigate all this by strengthening these pillars of strength outlined below, that we all have within our capacity.

Read the first two posts in this grief series here:

Life After Loss: How, What and Who Do We Grieve For?

Grief: Making Sense of Crazy

Julia Samuels’s offers a compassionate framework to help us find a balance between grieving and living in her book Grief Works. Julia’s book is full of case studies so may provide comfort in knowing you aren’t alone in your kind of bereavement. She outlines these eight pillars of strength, that in the midst of deep, earth shattering loss, we can build emotional resilience. We can move forward, whilst honouring our grief and the loss of our loved one. I wrote about my own grappling between life and loss here, after my first bereavement.

“Building pillars of strength can help us rebuild our lives after loss.” Julia Samuels

Pillars of Strength for Moving Through Grief

1. Relationship with the Person Who Died

Grief doesn’t mean letting go of someone you love. Even though our loved one has died, we still have a relationship with them. By continuing bonds—through memories, rituals, or simply speaking their name—you keep their presence alive in a way that brings comfort. These moments help you process the loss while still holding them close. This may mean writing to them, planting a tree, lighting a candle, wearing something to remind you of them, or creating a memory box, which I did for both my baby girls.

Sue Reed

writes about keeping her mother’s memory alive by baking with her grandchildren, passing on the same traditions her mother taught her.

2. Relationship with Self

Grief often forces us to turn inward. It’s a time for deep self-reflection, and the key is to meet yourself with compassion. Acknowledge your emotions, whatever they may be, listen to your needs, and allow yourself to grieve in your own unique way, free from judgment. Visit my previous posts to help make sense of your grief here and here. My therapeutic journaling prompts for grief will also help you understand yourself and your reactions, find them here.

3. Finding Ways to Express Grief

Our often overwhelming, as well as subtle emotions of grief needs an outlet. Whether it’s through sharing with loved ones, journaling, creating art, speaking with a counsellor, or crying, giving voice to your pain is essential. Holding emotions inside only deepens the ache, leaving them unprocessed, and unintegrated. Understand the grieving process you’re in in my previous post ‘Grief: Making Sense of Crazy’ here. Only by expressing our emotions can healing begin.

4. Mind and Body Connection

Grief takes a toll not just emotionally, but physically too. Taking care of your body through simple acts like eating well, resting, or gentle exercise supports our emotional recovery. Practices like mindfulness or meditation can also soothe the overwhelming waves of sadness. With a well supported body and mind, we are better able to ride the deep waves of grief.

5. Recognising Limits

Grief can be all-consuming. It’s important to recognise when you’re feeling drained and to honour your limits. It’s okay to say "no”, to demands, to rest, or to step back as you heal. Give yourself permission to pause. You may be entitled to time off work, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Some people love to help!

6. Time and Patience

There’s no timeline for grief. Healing takes time, and that journey looks different for everyone. Be patient with yourself as you ride the highs and lows. Take as much time as you need to adjust and heal.

7. Structure and Routine

In the chaos of loss, routine can provide a small sense of control. Simple daily tasks or setting small goals can offer grounding, helping you feel more anchored amidst the turmoil. Small wins like getting washed and dressed, or doing chores can feel like climbing mountains, but can feel good. Build in time for remembrance, self care, a daily walk, and keep your sleep routine regular. Many still find solace in work in between the wild emotions.

8. Focusing

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by grief, but focusing on your sensed feeling enables you to give voice to the bodily felt aspect of grief. You may find where grief is expressed in the body. Allow yourself to focus on that area, feel it, and give it a voice. What does it say? What does it need?

Well friends, if you are grieving, which pillar can you strengthen today? Honour your grief and your strength, and build resilience along the way.

Amy Beeson

shares a wonderful post here with more resources, books and podcasts that help her following the loss of her mother.

Paid subscribers can access my therapeutic journaling prompts in the Members Toolbox Page, the grief workbook is coming for annual subscribers later this week.

So it’s over to you. Can you relate? Which pillar can you work on?

I’ll be in the comments.

With love and gratitude

Kate

PS if you found this post useful or important, please do press the heart and share it, so I can reach more people - and bring more compassion to the world.

Further Reading:

On Grief and Grieving - Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Tasks of Mourning - William Worden (for Therapists)

Grief Works - Julia Samuel’s

Bittersweet - Susan Cain

Kokoro - Beth Kempton