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What helped you on your journey through grief? Which pillar could you work on?

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Thanks so much for sharing my post. For me time and patience is something. My therapist says I often approach grief like a project which means having patience with the impact it has had on my physical, mental and emotional state can be frustrating at times. We looked at an image of a waterfall a couple of weeks ago and agreed I'm now in rebuilding sense of self and love for life again.

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Thanks for sharing this Amy. There’s no timeline or right or wrong way through grief. It is so overwhelming and earth shattering. I’m glad you’re finding yourself and your love of life again. I’m so sorry for your loss. Maybe you’d find my previous posts useful from last week too. 💕

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Yes, I'll definitely go through.

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💕🙏🏻

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Oct 19Liked by Kate Harvey

what a coincidence, I know Kate Harvey! @Kate Harvey ! Emma - Anita’s friend. will find and follow you xx

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Oh hello Emma! 🧡🤗

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Thanks for the mention. It's funny, Mum feels closer to me now she's gone than she did when she was alive. Is that a thing? 🤔

I'm wearing one of necklaces today, a string of bright, joyful, multicoloured square shapes which has been commented on by two people, sparking conversations about her...

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That’s lovely Sue! She lives on in you and your memory, it sounds comforting to feel even closer to her, maybe that’s what’s left when all the complications fall away 💕

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The more think about her, and the more I write, the more I am discovering the essence of who she was and how much she loved me, even though she struggled to show it.

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That’s so beautiful Sue, and it makes so much sense to me. I’m glad you realise that she loved you so much 🧡

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It's so great you are doing this work, Kate. I've been in therapy for 18 months now and it's been transformative but it is expensive and not an accessible option for everyone.

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Thanks Amy. That’s exactly why I’m writing. I want to give people some elements of therapy here but for very low cost. Not quite the same but I’d like to create a welcoming therapeutic space for all 💕

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It's so worth while. I find journaling and morning pages essential to my wellbeing now. I also have a daily self care column in my diary along with all the appointments and kids ballet, swimming, singing, trips etc.

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That’s sounds absolutely fab Amy, keep it up xx 💕

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When my grandma (Sassy) died in 2021, it felt too abrupt for me to really process what had happened (she’d died about a week after a surgery for her liver cancer because of sepsis). Initially I cried but was having trouble wrapping my head around what I should be doing. What helped me was focusing on structure and routine. I did not skip work that week until the funeral. Keeping to my routine and working did help me. I think the pillar that I’ve had more trouble with generally is my relationship with myself- I am naturally introspective but sometimes I don’t want to talk about my feelings.

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It’s funny how simple things can help keep us going through hard times. It’s often hard to talk about feelings, I come from a family like that, which made grief recovery more challenging. There are other ways to express feeling like journaling, creativity or lighting candles or having flowers. Many people have ‘conversations’ with the deceased. Sometimes it’s about getting a hug! Start with knowing your needs. As long as the feelings aren’t buried forever.

I’m so glad you commented here Laura. Sorry to hear of losing Sassy in this way. 🧡

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My friend Armando gave me a basket with soda, a book, and some snacks that week just to let me know he was thinking of me and I am all about a thoughtful gesture so that really helped. My sister Elizabeth and I have both written about Sassy a lot here on Substack so that’s our form of public journaling I suppose.

I still feel guilty all these years later that the day I found out she was probably going to die, I didn’t feel like I could handle driving to the hospital and seeing her in person (she was so ill looking and looked nothing like the Emily Gilmore-esque Southern proper lady I had in my head as the way she had always looked, so I hesitated and only talked to her on FaceTime on that Thursday on my lunch break). Then Friday when my sister was there Sassy was asking where I was so I did drive down on Saturday, but by then she was no longer conscious and I didn’t get to talk to her again. I did sing to her and hold her hand, and my mom cried while I was singing so that did make me feel a bit better. My Sassy had taken voice lessons and always encouraged me to sing so it felt fitting. I chose as my songs to sing that day Over the Rainbow, La Vie En Rose (in English like the How I Met Your Mother moment), and A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes. I also remember talking to her like she could respond about something I never would’ve said if she was conscious but it seemed to amuse my mom so I kept going (I complained about my husband saying we were trying to have a baby but not wanting to do anything more than a couple times a week; funnily enough after this exchange at the hospital, I got pregnant the next month even though we only tried a couple times because I was so sad about my grandma). I miscarried that pregnancy around 9 weeks which exacerbated my grief over my grandma and made me feel very moody that summer as I waited for the missed miscarriage to resolve.

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Hi Laura, thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandma and your miscarriage. It sounds like you found the courage to create a beautiful ending for all of you with your grandma, you made it meaningful and beautiful which you’ll always remember. 🧡

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This series has been perfect for me as I continue to navigate my own grief journey and seek to process the loss of my mother, father, younger brother, and the anticipated loss of my mother-in-law from Alzheimers. As I continue to write in hopes to pass forward what I have learned through my own experiences, this really is just what I needed to identify some of the most salient aspects of what I want to include in my writings. I am truly blown away how you have been able to clearly and concisely explore the what, why, and how of grief. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Thank you! I’m so glad its supportive and has inspired you 🧡

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