How to Let Go of Grudges

Plus an announcement! | 🌱🌷 The Bloom Sessions: 6 ways and 11 therapeutic journaling prompts to unburden grudges

May 02, 2025

∙ Paid

I’m Kate, a therapist helping you to foster healing, self discovery and personal growth - so you can flourish in a life you love! The Bloom Sessions offer self-directed therapy work for paid members to release unhelpful patterns, challenge limiting beliefs and foster healing and personal growth at home. Join us!

Today’s post is about finding freedom in daily life by letting go of secret grudges.

Hi friends

Before we get into today’s topic, I have two announcements.

The first thing: Thank you! I became a bestselling Substack writer this week! 🥳 That means that I have over 100 paid subscribers! It means the world to me to be able to do this work here. It is heartening that you trust me to provide you with these materials that can facilitate real, lasting change - and the freedom, authenticity and confidence that follows. Thanks for supporting my work!

The second thing: in May we are going to start the Heal Your Past Series again! This time I am updating it to the Heal Your Self Series - this title focuses more on the result of the work you can do here. There will be new modules so you can truly work to let go of old patterns, heal, and move on into a truer, more integrated version of yourself. This will form the Bloom Sessions for a couple of months, and there will be something for everyone to build resilience, even if you feel fully healed. More details to follow.

To be a part of it, please upgrade here as it is solely for paid members.

Now, onto today’s post!

Do You Bear Secret Grudges?

Grudges are heavy emotional burdens we carry around, sometimes for years. They start as justified hurt or anger, but over time transform into something that hurts us more than the person who wronged us.

It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.

I know, I’ve been there. Grudges against those people who didn’t have my back when I needed them. A trusted senior colleague who betrayed me, changing the direction of my career. They popped into my mind while washing up. Walking the dog. Chatting with friends. Writing my Substack. There were more too, and I could let my chattering inner grudge-bearer rule my life - if I let her.

When someone deeply hurts us, holding onto that pain can feel like a protection. We think that by maintaining our anger and resentment, we're somehow keeping ourselves safe from future harm or are holding that person accountable.

We will go through ‘techniques to finish unfinished business’ when we do the Heal Your Self series - which will add another angle to this concept, or check that one out after.

The Problem with Bearing Grudges

Grudges can become a prison of our own making.

They consume mental energy, trigger stress responses in our bodies, and colour how we see the world and relate to others. It is like a giant unfriendly elephant setting up camp in our mind.

They keep us in a state of hyper-vigilance - as if the transgression continues in the present moment. We may develop chronic stress which takes a physical toll, like increased cortisol levels, disrupted sleep patterns, even compromised immune function.

Prolonged negative emotions literally make us sick.

If grudges become part of our identity, we might find ourselves rehearsing the story of how we were wronged, each retelling reinforcing those neural pathways of pain and anger. This narrative can even start defining us, making us see ourselves as victims rather than survivors or thrivers. (See the previous Bloom Session on Shedding the Victim Mentality/Drama after too).