Making sense of crazy. ‘The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.’ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
For many the question that rises is “how long does it take to reach acceptance?” It can vary from person to person based on their loss. From what I experienced with some of my patients is that they are stuck in the depression stage for a long time. It’s hard to advise them to accept the loss. I believe that’s in their own timeline.
HI Shanjitha, you're right, we are all different, and I'm writing about the fact that there is no timeline in my next post. During my psychotherapy training I was shocked by a tutor saying that you shouldn't grieve for more than five years. It depends on the person and the circumstances for sure. My next post and the journaling prompts will, I hope help people not get stuck, whilst acknowledging that it takes as long as it takes. Thank you so much for your comment.
Really appreciating this series on grief, and the way you're exploring it. Also sent the last few posts to a friend this morning who is experiencing a new wave after losing another family member just this week ❤️
Kate, Thanks for sharing this time-honored framework. It helps to know we're not alone in our grief. I can see the stages I went through when I chose compassionate euthanasia. I had to go through a process before I could come to acceptance and make that decision. It involved several of the above stages although not all of them.
Thanks for sharing Sandra. That must have been such a hard time. Someone once said to me, when my first baby was unwell, that we should make all our decisions from love, then we can’t go wrong. It sounds like that’s what you chose 🧡
I loved reading #6 and #7. In all of my grief geeking since June 2020 after my mother's loss (yes, I immediately began researching grief within days of her death), I have experienced finding meaning as well as much transformation (growth and rebuilding), but I never seen it listed like this with the stages of grief. To be honest, I had a very negative relationship with the stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross until I researched them more and since have kept them in the box of 'terminal-illness' convincing myself they do not apply to me. As I read this piece however, I do begin to see that my grief journey has indeed visited every single one of these stages (which I prefer to call 'aspects' of grief). I have spent much time with each of my deep losses in finding meaning and I continue to explore how their lives keep teaching me and helping me grow, but I haven't been able to find the words quite like you shared to express it. I am grateful (which I believe is deeply rooted in #6).
Yes to the latter aspects of grief. The aim, even if it takes decades, is acceptance and finding meaning despite it all. I am with yiu that I prefer calling these aspects rather than stages as it is never linear. Thanks for being here and joining the conversation 🙏🏻
Ah Kate, thank you for this piece. I had a complicated relationship with my mother who died three months ago, and my grief is messy. However, I've found myself writing about her, how I feel her in my everyday life and how by doing the things she did (am knitting baby clothes for an expected grandchild) I am holding her close...
Thank you sue, sorry to hear about your mum. I also have a complicated relationship with my mother, I think it must add more layers of confusion. Love that you’re able to hold her close. How moving to connect with her through knitting for your grandchild, her great grandchild. There is much that tears us apart, but more that binds us together 💕 I wrote more about complicated aspects of grief in my first post if you’re interested. 🙏🏻
I did read your first post, but I'm going to go back to it and read again. Is it strange to say that I feel closer to my mum now that she is gone than I ever did when she was alive?
How do you feel about these stages?
What resonates? What doesn’t?
What was the most unexpected thing about grief for you?
For many the question that rises is “how long does it take to reach acceptance?” It can vary from person to person based on their loss. From what I experienced with some of my patients is that they are stuck in the depression stage for a long time. It’s hard to advise them to accept the loss. I believe that’s in their own timeline.
HI Shanjitha, you're right, we are all different, and I'm writing about the fact that there is no timeline in my next post. During my psychotherapy training I was shocked by a tutor saying that you shouldn't grieve for more than five years. It depends on the person and the circumstances for sure. My next post and the journaling prompts will, I hope help people not get stuck, whilst acknowledging that it takes as long as it takes. Thank you so much for your comment.
Thank you Kate. I’m looking forward to your next post.
Really appreciating this series on grief, and the way you're exploring it. Also sent the last few posts to a friend this morning who is experiencing a new wave after losing another family member just this week ❤️
Thank you as always Kate x
Thank you Lauren, I hope she finds something helpful in there, if she’s ready. I appreciate your comment. 🙏🏻✨
Kate, Thanks for sharing this time-honored framework. It helps to know we're not alone in our grief. I can see the stages I went through when I chose compassionate euthanasia. I had to go through a process before I could come to acceptance and make that decision. It involved several of the above stages although not all of them.
Thanks for sharing Sandra. That must have been such a hard time. Someone once said to me, when my first baby was unwell, that we should make all our decisions from love, then we can’t go wrong. It sounds like that’s what you chose 🧡
I loved reading #6 and #7. In all of my grief geeking since June 2020 after my mother's loss (yes, I immediately began researching grief within days of her death), I have experienced finding meaning as well as much transformation (growth and rebuilding), but I never seen it listed like this with the stages of grief. To be honest, I had a very negative relationship with the stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross until I researched them more and since have kept them in the box of 'terminal-illness' convincing myself they do not apply to me. As I read this piece however, I do begin to see that my grief journey has indeed visited every single one of these stages (which I prefer to call 'aspects' of grief). I have spent much time with each of my deep losses in finding meaning and I continue to explore how their lives keep teaching me and helping me grow, but I haven't been able to find the words quite like you shared to express it. I am grateful (which I believe is deeply rooted in #6).
Yes to the latter aspects of grief. The aim, even if it takes decades, is acceptance and finding meaning despite it all. I am with yiu that I prefer calling these aspects rather than stages as it is never linear. Thanks for being here and joining the conversation 🙏🏻
Ah Kate, thank you for this piece. I had a complicated relationship with my mother who died three months ago, and my grief is messy. However, I've found myself writing about her, how I feel her in my everyday life and how by doing the things she did (am knitting baby clothes for an expected grandchild) I am holding her close...
Thank you sue, sorry to hear about your mum. I also have a complicated relationship with my mother, I think it must add more layers of confusion. Love that you’re able to hold her close. How moving to connect with her through knitting for your grandchild, her great grandchild. There is much that tears us apart, but more that binds us together 💕 I wrote more about complicated aspects of grief in my first post if you’re interested. 🙏🏻
I did read your first post, but I'm going to go back to it and read again. Is it strange to say that I feel closer to my mum now that she is gone than I ever did when she was alive?
It isn’t strange to say if it’s true 🧡