Taking The Road Less Travelled
The journey is the destination
Hi I’m Kate, a psychotherapist writing about personal growth, for you to flourish in a life you love! Members can join in The Bloom Sessions on Fridays:
Hi friends,
I shared a version of this post almost a year ago when I first started, before most of you were around! This is the story of how I began my creative life, which has opened up my mind and so many other doors. As my members received The Bloom Session on breaking free from self-doubt on Friday, I wanted to turn our eyes to the road ahead. What would you do if you were free of self doubt? Join us at 10am on Fridays.
The Road Less Travelled
It was always so rewarding, witnessing my therapy clients emerging from the dark. I loved every moment of their unfolding. But in truth, it sometimes drained me, and I needed an outlet for all the lingering energy from counselling, a place of solace to lose myself in too. Somewhere to release all those stories into the ether.
I craved nourishment and creativity to express and process my own losses. And I was skint. I dreamt of more, to bring an old hobby back to life. The ‘road less travelled’ beckoned again, as it did when I was called to therapy, to start a business making and selling jewellery, something I’d enjoyed for fun on and off since being a teenager. Was it possible?
‘Good luck!’ he laughed as he sauntered off. Paul’s shiny suit and boy-band hair cut glinted in the sunshine as he headed back towards his 9-5. These were the sarcastic words of a friend’s ex husband I bumped into on my way to buy supplies in London. (Note the ‘ex’). I contained a wave of rage. He only added fire-lighter to my fire. Surely I could make it work; I was the clever one at school.
I bought a small batch of materials, piling more than I intended into my basket after Paul’s sarky comment. The mix of defiance and doubt is a potent cocktail!
I created and listed some simple earrings on Folksy and Etsy, naming my shops after my daughter. They sold. I used my profit to buy more materials and listed more things. They sold too. The moons aligned! I was on the right road.
I remembered my therapist saying during my first counselling training: ‘doors fly open when something is right.’
Making something tangible and then selling it to someone who likes it is the most simple, satisfying transaction. It’s not a ‘proper’ job though, is it? I kept it hidden for some time. When I joined instagram (under my business name, not my name, since I was still hiding), I found other curious souls making beautiful things and getting paid. I found my people, travelling down the same road, and we walked together.
My business became my primary source of income, alongside my therapy work. After a few years of hard slog I was featured in the national press and several magazines. I gained 14k followers across social media, and got to nourish my soul with daily creativity. I had committed to the road, and it worked. I was then delighted to mentor other creatives on their path.
I don’t know where I would be without it, and my studio at the end of the garden full of bits and pieces, works in progress, and finished pieces ready to post. My cocoon of creativity. I had to give up psychotherapy when I developed Long Covid so my jewellery business continues, and is often top of my daily gratitude list.
Rather than a means to an end, my creative life is something I value putting my energy into daily. It’s what I want to do every day, alongside writing, and I do. I still get a buzz with every order, a twinkle when I have new ideas.
The journey is the destination. Daily life is the dream!
“The unexamined life isn’t worth living.” Socrates
Many people live their life without thinking much about it, going along with what everyone else is doing, towing the line, fitting in, then dying at the end. Like Paul.
In therapy, I encouraged my clients to own their behaviour and choices. It starts with becoming aware, then developing autonomy. I don’t normally give advice, opinions or suggestions. (Some find this very annoying, what am I even paying for? They ask themselves.) I let them sit in the discomfort of the space just for a moment, and then they fill it with their own advice and suggestions. Their inner wisdom appears, much wiser than mine, since it comes from within. This moment takes longer to reach in those who had their autonomy overruled from an early age, who found it hard to find their voice because of circumstance, like Paul. (The UK school system is not good for autonomous thinking either).
You might say to yourself that ‘everyone is doing it’ but do YOU want to? By slowing down and choosing your path, you set your direction according to what matters most to you. Perhaps you are on the road less travelled already, like me, or perhaps you are considering a new path.
We Are What We Do Every Day
What we do each day is our life. Writers are people who write. Artists are people who make art. People who show compassion feel that compassion every day. People who use and abuse others, including corporations, are users and abusers. What you do every day and how you do it is who you are.
Own it, choose it, or change it.
Erik Erikson described the seven stages of man. The final life stage at the end of our life, we experience either ‘ego integrity’, that’s ‘yeah, that was good, I did my best’. Or ‘despair.’ Which one do you want to feel?
Pick your Destination
I read the book ‘The Road Less Travelled’ by Scott Peck in my twenties. I haven’t looked at it since, but one concept stays with me twenty years on. Peck advises for us to decide what the one most important thing is to you in your life going forwards, and to focus on it. To remove all blocks, and build support for it. This happened a few times in my life; becoming a therapist, starting my jewellery business, putting my daughter first when she needed it, and now, becoming a writer.
What is your primary focus, your main direction in life? Knowing this makes decisions so much easier.
Tell me the direction of your road in the comments!
With love and gratitude,
Kate
PS, as well as upgrading, you can support my work by liking, commenting or sharing this post. Thanks for reading!🕊️🤍
What is your primary focus going forwards? For me, my family is no.1 in the short term while a family member is unwell, though long term it’s focussing on my writing here.
Great Q. I feel like my direction is always changing, which makes it difficult to pick a lane and stay in it! There’s definitely something related to creating, but the creative path I’ll stick to long term is still TBD. I also make jewelry, btw! I think I’ve mentioned that before. 😊