At Letters from Therapy I help you come home to yourself with insights, personal growth tools and self discovery journalling from my therapy room.
Hi friends
And a warm welcome to those of you who are new here!
On Sundays I share posts like this, ‘Bloom Sessions’ where you can do some gentle, inspiring reflective work. There's a long, useful free part then an exercise, journaling and meditation at the end for members to do the liberating work of self acceptance.
One member requested a post about self-acceptance, of all the things that have gone before, so I thought I’d share this one today, since self acceptance is so fundamental for all of us to flourish in life, despite everything. I wrote a bit more here than what is in the recording, but it’s mostly there.
And if you missed Winter Roots, this is a lovely series of four, with guided meditations, to grow strong roots for the year ahead, also steeped in self acceptance.
Coming soon: posts on how to improve your relationships from my time as a couples therapist, healing from heartbreak, healthy spirituality, confidence, and some others requested by my paid members. I may also pop out a post on Thursdays sometimes!
Radical Self Acceptance
Do you feel able to accept yourself fully?
For many of us, winter can be the hardest time of the year. It’s cold, dark, damp and we still have to show up in our lives. Despite this, I enjoy taking time to rest, as get tingles as I look forward at this threshold time of year. I sip extra tea as I tap away at my keyboard, my knees cosy under a blanket, my toes tucked inside fluffy new slippers while I dream and cook up plans.
The beginning of year is a great time to start practicing radical self acceptance, which is our topic today.
Over a few years, adjusting to my changing body after Covid left me feeling vulnerable and frustrated. For a long time I found myself unable to do many of the things that I used to: ordinary tasks, even having to stop my work as a therapist, effecting my finances and sense of security. Long before that, crippling grief, and the silent ostracism that followed left me feeling pretty low.
At times during illness, my inability to meet the expectations of others or my own brought overwhelming emotions. That was grief for what might have been. Maybe you can relate?
I accept where I fell short of being the mother I wished I could be. Those wrong turns I took. The perimenopause rollercoaster that sends me into a spin sometimes. And my flat I imagined I’d be in temporarily, and here I am, fifteen years later. Now a home.
I also know I am strong, kind, more creative than ever, able to run a business, to write, to know what matters to me. I have so much beauty and joy in my life, and in myself. That includes my writing here, and the community it has brought.
I bet you hold so much in your heart too.
This is what being human is.
I could beat myself up about my shortcomings, my ‘failures’ and when I was younger, I did. Or I can continue to practice radical self-acceptance.
Radical self-acceptance is the practice of fully embracing who you are, including your strengths, flaws, and everything in between.
What Stops Us Accepting Ourselves?
Self-acceptance is often hindered by deeply ingrained beliefs of how we should be, from family, teachers, friends or even made-up stuff of our own. We may feel pressure from societal expectations, our culture, what we see and hear online, or that pesky inner critic that convinces us we need to be "better" to be worthy. (Meet mine, Brenda, here).
This mindset creates unnecessary suffering and keeps us stuck in cycles of shame and self-rejection. We must learn to confront these internal barriers with compassion, mindfulness, and an understanding that our worth is inherent, not conditional.
Radical self-acceptance frees us from our ‘shoulds’ what might have been, the exhausting pursuit of perfection, allowing us to live more authentically, despite everything.
Lets explore and deepen your relationship with yourself, through the lens of radical acceptance.
“Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not.” Arnold Beisser
But How Can I Accept Myself When I Am So Obviously Flawed?
Fully accepting yourself doesn’t mean ignoring or excusing harmful behaviours, or pretending you don’t have flaws. Instead, it involves recognising and holding space for your humanness: your strengths, weaknesses, mistakes, and efforts to grow, without shame.
Ten Ways to Navigate Self-Acceptance, Even When You Have Done "Bad Things"
Acknowledge your actions honestly without denying or exaggerating them. Denial only delays healing. (This is what Beisser is getting at above).
Separate your behaviour from your identity. Mistakes don’t define who you are, they reflect moments of being human: you are probably doing your best.
Reflect on why the behaviour you’re not proud of happened. Understanding this as as a step toward breaking harmful patterns.
Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend who made a mistake.
Take responsibility by acknowledging the impact of your actions, and committing to growth or amends.
Focus on what you’ve learned, and how you can apply that knowledge to do better in the future.
Challenge perfectionist standards by recognising that being flawed is a normal part of being human.
Value your efforts to grow and improve, rather than fixating on past mistakes. We are all works in progress, ever evolving, ever changing.
Forgive yourself to release guilt and shame, knowing you’re doing the best you can with what you know.
Remember your worth is inherent, and not dependent on being perfect or free of flaws.
Therapeutic Journaling for Radical Self-Acceptance
These Sunday Bloom Sessions are posts to help you explore your inner world to release unhelpful patterns for healing, resilience and growth. If you are ready to deepen your self acceptance, upgrade if you haven’t already, and consider these therapeutic questions to work on accepting yourself more fully. Otherwise, see you next time! Don’t forget to press the heart, and please restack if you think someone else might like it! Kate x
The following self-discovery journalling questions are designed to build awareness, shift perspectives, and foster a more compassionate relationship with yourself. Be honest and kind as you reflect.
